Day: October 1, 2020

Red Flags in a relationshipRed Flags in a relationship

People are so complex that we don’t even understand our minds half the time. And here, 7.5 billion trapped by us on this rock, we need to communicate, each with different goals and values ​​and beliefs and we have to try and make friends. 

When I say connections, I’m talking about all kinds of communication. Friends, family, colleagues, by kissing someone. 

The red flag is a term that everyone knows. The man cheated on everyone he was with? Red flag. Man only uses people to his advantage? Red flag. The person does not wipe the knife after smearing butter on bread and small crumbs remain in the box? Red flag! What about other red flags that appear when you already have a close relationship? 

When you have a good opinion of someone, the flags are ignored or you start saying: “But they are a good person. I trust them! Heh, in a sense, they wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.

” It is easy to make sense of bad signs in a bad relationship when you think the person is good. But that doesn’t mean they’re not there, or that they should be ignored. They are still nasty. But it’s confused by your story together. 

I think most people are too kind, passive or understanding. It is often very easy to do. Because of this, toxic relationships are more common and it is difficult to know who to look for. 

There is a chance that you are in a bad relationship right now without realizing it. 

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ManipulatorsManipulators

The term “manipulation” is widely used. And that’s why people think they might know her if it happened to them.

But it’s not as easy as: “Chad and Sally are together. Sally wants to go out with friends. Chad makes Sally stay home together. Chad is a manipulator! ” In fact, it is a fairly common occurrence with manipulation. But the way it works is that it builds up slowly over time and is completely emotional. Instead, Chad can isolate Sally from friends and complain about them one by one. -I don’t like how Nick talks to girls. It’s weird. Don’t you think Don drinks too much? Not very responsible. Little things like this can make Sally trust Chad more.

Several months pass and Sally does not talk to any of her friends. Chad successfully isolates her, which means he has more control over her. You may still think that it is easy to see and that some people feel easier than others. I think it’s important to know how things are much more human in real life than when we talk about them For example, we are told to believe that drugs are AWFUL. At a party, the lights are shining and someone comes and tells you: -Hey baby … Do you want to use drugs? Time is slowing down! The cigarette shines with evil energy! You look and you know their horns and teeth have grown and O GOD, SATAN- No. this does not happen. Really, you will be in a little vision with close friends. Have a nice evening, for now. Laughing and having a good time, as always. One pulls out a small bag and says: -Hey, I have coke. No delays, or sirens. It’s a perfectly normal feeling and you’re suddenly confused.

“Drugs are bad, but this is my friend we know each other from 5th grade. He’s a normal dude. Not bad … Will the others do it? ” Your brain invents anything to forgive the behavior of someone close to you. 

It can be difficult, but you have to know how people should treat you and not let them get you into bad situations. Manipulating relationships are damn common. And it’s hard because your head is kicking and you feel like a crushed fly. Trapped, Powerless, sad. If the corpses feel at all. I mean, they’re just dead. 

Emotional blackmail is a way to manipulate someone through fear or obligation to them. Is someone aggressive, too supervisory, are they threatening you with things like “Finish it or I’ll hurt you”. Even “Finish it or I’ll hurt myself”? 

This leads to another difficult situation. They put you in a complicated place because you feel obliged to do what the man wants because obviously you care about them and you don’t want them to feel that way or even get hurt.

This is a hard pill to swallow: You are not responsible for someone’s happiness!

  • But they have bad self-esteem, and I worry that- -You are not responsible for someone’s happiness! 
  • But they are very depressed -That’s why I think if you just- -You’re NOT responsible for someone’s happiness! 

Even if your heart breaks, people are generally not prepared to help with such problems. So, it is best to offer them a specialist who is trained in these things. Although they have personal difficulties, this manipulation does not allow them not to maintain a strong relationship. It’s important to think about.

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You have work to do on yourselfYou have work to do on yourself

If you are in a bad relationship, it just means you have to work on yourself. You have your garbage, they have theirs. You have to decide how much rubbish you’re willing to put up with to help. Don’t let them destory you. 

I imagine being in my little ecosystem and trying to maintain it on a daily basis. If there is a person polluting that, I have a decision to make.  It may have started well, but slowly became hurtful.

Then I have to ask myself if I should … kick them off my planet. It sounds rude, but you can’t let go of your own responsibility to go fix someone else’s planet. Who will watch yours? Nobody. Because it is your responsibility. 

Conversations are the most important way to decide if you can fix a relationship or cut it. -Hey, dude, can you not throw toxic waste in my ocean? You’ve been doing it for a while and my cute dolphins are dying. 

Oh my God. I didn’t even realize that I hurt them. Sorry! How to improve? 

Not only has he shown the problem, but the man takes responsibility and wants to improve. 

But if they say: -Look, how should I have known ?! I just wanted to help! Why are you so sensitive ?! This is super toxic.

Set limits on how much you can give and make sure you have separate support, so you don’t have to rely on each other. If things don’t change … Look at yourself, too. 

Do you have to explain their actions too much to others? Do the people who are closest to you, do they like them? People get stuck in themselves. 

Remember that you can make mistakes too! Look at you a little, clarify your feelings.

Ask yourself, “Am I an asshole?” Why do you do things: Out of hatred? Anger? Jealousy? It’s hard to admit your weaknesses, but it is more important to be 100% real and brutally honest with yourself-If you’re going to keep a 100% real relationship. 

Most manipulators do not realize that they are. No one wakes up like: -Ha-ha! I will be super manipulative today! It doesn’t matter if you admit your mistake. It is more wrong to turn a blind eye and move on.

It takes a lot to stop anything relationship because it can feel like a loss, or a rejection, but sometimes it is the best solution for both of you.

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